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Four of his elves were sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.

More Stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink.

In his frustration, he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the he kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said: “Where would you like to put this tree Santa?”

And that my friends, is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree.

A pigs’ orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (O.M.G.!!!)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy, but I’m still not over the pig.)

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that, too.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body…..the female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off. (Honey, I’m home!… What the…?)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still can’t believe that pig …quality over quantity?)

Butterflies taste with their feet. (something I always wanted to know.)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay…so that’s good thing.)

A cats’ urine glows under a black light. (I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.)

Polar bears are left-handed. (Southpaw?)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?)

Now that you’ve smiled at least once, it’s your turn to spread these crazy facts. (and God love that pig!!) Interesting facts!!!

Have Fun

Just try it at home

Week 1

Monday: Rain  

Tuesday: Rain

Wednesday: No Rain; no visibility either.

Thursday: Take instructor to lunch. Discover I don`t know enough to take instructor to lunch

Friday: FLY! Do first stall and second stall during same maneuver, cover instructor with lunch.

Week 2

Monday: Learned not to scrape frost from plexiglass with ice-scraper. Used big scratches marker to set pitch.

Tuesday: Instructor wants me to stop calling throttle „THAT BIG KNOB THING“. Also hates when i call instruments „GADGETS“.  

Wednesday: Radios wan`t pick up radiostations, so I turn them off. Instructor seems to think i missed something.

Thursday: Learned 10 degree bank is not a steep turn. Did stall again today. Lost 2000 feet. Instructor said that was some kind of record. — My first compliment.

Friday: Did steep turn. Instructor said I was not ready for inverted flight yet.

Week 3

Monday: Instructor called in sick. New instructor told me to stop calling her „BABE“. Did steep turns. She said I had to have permission for inverted flight.

Tuesday: Instructor back. He told me to stop calling him „BABE“, too. He got mad when I pulled power back on takeoff because the engine was too loud.

Wednesday: Instructor said after the first 20 hours, most students have established a learning curve. He said there was a slight bend in mine. Aha – progress!

Thursday: Did stalls. Clean recovery. Instructor said I did a good job. Also did turns around a point. Instructor warned me never to pick ex-fiance`s house as point again.

Friday: Did pattern work. Instructor said that if downwind, air base, and final approach formed a triangle, I would be perfect. More praise!

Week 4

Monday: First landing at controlled field. Did fine until i told the captain in the 747 ahead of us on taxiway to move his bird. Instructor says we`ll have ground school all this week on radio procedures.  

Tuesday: Asked instructor if everyone in his family had turned gray at such an early age. He smiled. We did takeoff stalls. He says I did just fine but to wait we reach altitude next time. Three niner juliet will be out of the shop in three days when the new strut and tire arrive. Instructor says his back bother him only a little.

Wednesday: Flew through clouds. I thought those radio towers were a lot lower. I`m sure my instructor is going gray.

Thursday: Left flaps down for entire flight. Instructor asked why. I told him I wanted the extra lift as a safety margin. More ground school.

Friday: Asked instructor when I could solo. I had never seen anyone acutally laugh until they cried before.